But it’s not canon!

I have a confession to make. I read fanfiction, and, occassionally, I write it too. This isn’t something I’m particularly proud of, and I like to tell myself it’s because I like to broaden my writing horizons, practice it, and also read some good yarns. (Which is complete bollocks because I can categorically say that 99.999999% of fanfiction is rubbish.) But, really, it’s to indulge my romantic-sensibilities as a TV fanatic. And, by that, I mean that I heavily invest in TV romances. We all do it, and TV will usually anoint a ‘Chosen Couple’ in order to exploit our unhealthy fixation on these characters and their relationship, in order to get us to keep watching, by building up sexual tension, getting them together, breaking them up, getting them together, and breaking them up again like the emotional tug-o-war it is for a viewer who’s a closet romantic, because TV is a sick, sick, sadistic bastard.

So, in the absence of closure, or in an attempt to fill in the gaps and ‘fix’ anything we may find wrong with the current state of the relationship of the Chosen Couple, we turn to fanfiction to create our own – and we’d like to think, a better – revisioning of the saga between these characters [1]. Unfortunately, a lot of 13-year-old girls with access to the Internet think the same thing, and you’re left to find the proverbial diamond in the rough as you attempt to dig through bad grammar, unrealistic plots, and poorly written sex scenes, those of which are written by people who’ve probably never actually touched a member of the opposite sex [2].

Unfortunately, Weasley fans did not get the memo.

There is a reason why the word fan takes its roots from the word ‘fanatics.’ And when you delve in to the scary world of the Harry Potter fandom, it becomes apparent that there are some seriously fucked up kids out there. Most of it is harmless, others are just. Wrong. *cough*Snape/Harry slash*cough*. It goes without saying that in this particular fandom there is a blatant disregard for canon, the beacon of guidance for aspiring writers. Usually, all fiction must operate within the parameters of the canon. Those who attempt to deviate from it may suffer the backlash of readers and fans alike. One such example being Smallville fans, who want everything in the series to follow the canon of the original Superman mythos, and don’t take in to consideration that Erica Durance and Tom Welling have the chemistry of a plank of wood. Truth is, some of the most interesting relationships aren’t canon at all.

I think TV gives us certain expectations that we’d like to believe exist outside our plasma screens. For one thing, I want my future husband to be as tall as Harm from JAG, with the intelligence of Harm from JAG, as physically attractive as Harm from JAG, and with the blue eyes, dark hair, sex appeal, and dangerous edge of Harm from JAG. In other words, I would like to meet and marry a David James Elliot clone. So, what does that mean for us if we never find this David James Elliot clone? And, through wishful thinking, do our expectations seep in to real-life? But -finally, this is the point in the post where I begin to make my point – I think that’s when we enter in to a world of disappointment, because sadly there is no Harm who will sweep me off my feet. And if that’s so, I guess I’ve realised why I’m so disappointed with the sad state of affairs that is my own love life, and, looking towards my friends, theirs as well. (See, this is what blogs are good for: emotional purging.) [3]

Dress whites and gold wings, yes please! (Do you notice his angelic glow?)

There are some things TV does not prepare you for; the best friends won’t always get together in the end; the couple you thought would be perfect for each other aren’t so perfect after all; you’ll never notice what’s right under your nose; you won’t ever know what you’ve got until it’s gone; you will get your heartbroken and run away overseas; you will always question ‘what if?’ but there won’t be a one-off episode to satisfy your curiosity; because you won’t always get the one you want… even if, in your mind, at least, it’s canon. I guess there’s a reason why they call these life’s clichés. TV tells us it should work. But in reality it just hurts; some things just aren’t ‘meant to be.’ And so, heart successfully crushed under the brutal weight of reality (fuck you life!), we turn to late night syndicated episodes of our favourite show, with our popcorn and pajamas, so we can live vicariously through the lives of the people where it does work.

I think, sometimes, we like to live in these make-believe relationships because our own realities have lost their magic; that if these two people who are meant to be together can make it happen then, by extension, it can happen for us too. Maybe the key is to look outside our narrow definition of the perfect mate, and look beyond our closed visions of the perfect relationship. I don’t really want a Lucy and Desi romance, or the emotional rollercoaster ride that is Ross and Rachel. Simple would be good, and it’d be nice if, for once, things would just, you know, work out and be resolved in the allocated thirty or so minutes. But things don’t always happen that way. To close on a corny note, I’m pretty sure that one day I’ll be able write my own romantic saga, and it’ll have its ups-and-downs, and it may not be with the person I may have initially thought it’d be with, but it’ll be good, and when the time comes I won’t be posting this story on the Internet, because I’ll be living it. And that’s a thought worth having, Harm or no Harm.

[1] I’ll admit, fanfiction got me through post-’Walker, Texas Ranger’ anxiety, when the series ended and Sydney and Gage never professed their love for each other. Holy crap, I’m such a loser.

[2] I’d like to think there’s a direct correlation between girls in the age bracket of 11 and 17, social and romantic inadequacies, and fanfiction.

[3] It’s funny, though, because the one couple I know who would never have worked on TV (and who some people thought wouldn’t work when it happened) continue to be together almost three years later.